Only Human
by DemonHipsterChick
Summary: Eva Bellefort is a young new recruit in the Amestrian military. As the Ishvalan Civil War rages on, more and more assistance is needed in the heart of the fighting. But, once she arrives, it's not as easy for her to handle as she had anticipated. And on top of that, the State Alchemist that she's been assigned to serve under might as well be a madman...
1. Chapter 1

"_I…I don't know if I can do this anymore…_" Eva thought to herself.

As she peered out of the building that her platoon was taking refuge in, a bomb could be heard detonating somewhere within the city, accompanied by a chorus of terrified screams. Gun shots soon followed.

"_No, I DEFINITELY can't do this anymore…_" she thought, feeling her knees begin to knock together.

The rest of the soldiers that she was with began to move back out into the settlement, rifles at the ready.

But not Eva.

She was frozen in place, unable to take a single step. She had thought that she was ready to be here; to fight for her country of Amestris…but, as she stood, about to dive back into of one of the most intense patches of the fighting for the fourth day in a row, she could hardly breathe. She was too scared.

The noise was deafening, and she could feel the aftershocks of various explosions reverberating in the cavity of her chest. She should have been used to it by now, but she had forced herself not to be. She didn't want to let bomb blasts become something second nature to her. She never wanted to witness them again…

Eva swallowed hard, nearly gagging on her own saliva. Her throat was so dry; the air was just too dusty and full of the smell of gunpowder and decay.

She gripped her rifle so tightly that her knuckles went white. Trying to muster up all the courage she had left, she stared straight forward and tried to walk.

After a few very shaky, jerky steps, Eva realized that it wasn't of much use. She was still too scared. She had never seen battle this intense. After being let out of the military academy, most of her time in the Ishvalan War so far had been spent taking care of smaller skirmishes. Soon, however, more soldiers were needed to aid in the main battles. She had been one of the soldiers chosen, and was placed under the command of a State Alchemist.

She was to watch his back, him being a valuable 'weapon' and all; and learn from his ferocity. Though a skilled shooter, it wasn't very easy for Eva to bury her emotions and utilize her skills in the way that she was expected to. Her superior officers had decided that she needed to learn a thing or two from a truly 'gifted' man, that man being Solf J. Kimblee, the Crimson Alchemist.

"_More like truly 'evil'…_" she had thought upon first meeting him. The way he talked about the war as a simple 'occupation' made her skin crawl. How could he be so casual about _MASS MURDER_?! It was almost as if…as if he took _pleasure_ in killing others.

Pleasure in utter _chaos_.

She had only spent a few weeks under his command so far, but it was more than enough. After seeing him turn Ishvalan people into human explosives more than once, her sanity had begun to wear low. She had watched him kill and clear the blood from his hands in pure joy too many times to be considered 'good' for her mental well-being.

The man was a monster, an absolute _monster_. A few times she had thought about telling him that she was quitting and going home, but looking into his cold, blue eyes as he awaited her confession had been too nerve-wracking. She didn't want to know what he would do to her if she actually managed to get the words out.

"C'mon Bellefort!" a voice called, snapping her out of her thoughts.

She turned to see another soldier in her platoon. He was tall and broad shouldered with an unshaved chin, dark hair and dark eyes.

"I…I'm going Ronson! Just, just give me a sec…" she replied, trying to keep her voice from shaking, but to no avail.

"Geez, look at yourself! Listen to yourself! You're terrified! You haven't been able to go out there and contribute as much as the rest of us soldiers since day one! How pathetic…why are you here anyway? You're just wasting everyone's time. You were sent to this squad to learn from Major Kimblee…but not even he could make someone as weak as you worth anything!" He said cruelly, chuckling. Maxwell Ronson had been unpleasant to her since the day she had arrived to serve under Kimblee. Eva figured it was just because she was a woman. Ronson seemed like the kind of guy who wouldn't want to fight alongside a girl; and one of only nineteen no less.

Eva opened her mouth to interject, but she was cut off by a third person.

"That's enough Sgt. Ronson." Said a familiar voice.

Kimblee emerged from a patch of shadows in the back of the abandoned room. He smirked and raised a brow.

"Why don't you go outside with the others, and wait for me there. I'll take care of Bellefort." He said; sounding more like a command than a suggestion from his tone.

Ronson cleared his throat and saluted. "Yessir. I'll be waiting with the others." He hurried out through the large hole in the front of the building that served as an entrance or exit. No matter how tough he pretended to be, he was still afraid of Kimblee. They all were.

Though she hated him for being a sexist and a brute, she was silently begging him not to leave her alone with the Crimson Alchemist. Her heart had begun to beat even faster than it already was, and sweat trickled down the side of her face.

Eva tried to remain stone-faced to hide her true fear, but she wasn't sure how well it was working. Even if she did manage to keep a straight face, Kimblee could probably see right through it anyway.

He was like a wolf, wild and without empathy. He could probably smell her fear as he stepped closer, regarding her like a predator sizing up its prey.

Eva took a deep breath and waited patiently for him to act.

"Well…why are you still hanging around here? This squad was called to begin moving out nearly ten minutes ago, yet you've barely moved an inch. You're not slacking off are you?" His voice was cold and raspy. It reminded Eva of scraping ice off of a car window. She cringed inwardly.

"Well, Major Kimblee sir, I…" she hesitated, not knowing what to say. She didn't want to tell him that she was too scared…last time she had done that he had taken her out into the heart of the fighting and made her 'face her fear'. It hadn't helped.

For a second their eyes met, and a parade of shivers crawled up and down Eva's spine. She quickly looked away, immediately regretting her cowardice.

"Come on, what's wrong? Are you still too frightened to fight? I thought that we had already cleared that up." He narrowed his eyes at her.

He couldn't believe that he had been given such a jumpy little subordinate. She was making things increasingly difficult for him…he wasn't sure if she was even worth all the trouble. Sure she was supposed to be one of the most gifted in her class at the military academy, but she certainly wasn't showing it.

He sighed inwardly. Why couldn't anyone else just look at the civil war as a job? That's all it really was…sure it was a little more intense than being a waiter or an automail engineer, but it was still a job. And why was everyone so bothered by killing? Did they expect something else? This was a WAR; a war that they had all been trained for. Wars could not be won without bloodshed. It was an 'occupational hazard'.

Eva didn't answer right away. She was too frightened to even do that.

Kimblee waited for a reply, realizing quickly that he would not be getting one from this young woman.

"Refusing to answer a superior officer? Not good, Bellefort." Kimblee stepped closer, bending down slightly so that his face was level with hers. "I'm going to ask you another question, and I expect a straight answer."

Eva involuntarily took a step back, instantly hitting a wall.

Cornered, Eva realized that she had no choice. She would have to swallow her fear and answer him, no matter how much she didn't want to. He wouldn't _hurt_ her for her lack of courage…right?

"Y-yessir." She said shakily, trying desperately not to look him in the eyes. Her eyes wandered from the dark hair that hung over his shoulder in a ponytail, to his crisp, blue uniform, to the floor.

"Are you still afraid to go out and get your hands dirty?" he asked, "Or are you simply afraid of going out to get your hands dirty, with _me _around?"

The question took Eva by surprise. Why would he ask such a thing? Why did he want to know if she was actually afraid of him or not? She wouldn't dare lie to him and say no for fear that he would instantly see through it. But…she didn't exactly want to tell the truth either.

"B-both, sir." She said, still trying to avoid his cold gaze.

"Would you like to be transferred to another squad then? Your skills will go to waste if you're too afraid of me to use them. At least the other men pretend I don't bother them so that they can get the job done. There's no use in you sticking around here if you won't contribute." He said.

What he said _did_ make sense... but she found it a little odd that he knew all his men feared him. Didn't it bother him? But then again, this _was_ Solf J. Kimblee. Of course it didn't bother him.

Eva quickly looked up.

He held her under an intense stare, awaiting her answer to the next question. She shifted uncomfortably.

Eva took a quick, deep breath and held it in for a moment, feeling the swell in her lungs. She knew that Kimblee hated quitters, and that it was most likely in her best interest to remain under his supervision. If she indeed revealed that she did not want to be in his squad anymore, she figured that she would regret the consequences. Due to her lack of 'fighting spirit' in the war so far, she was not in a very favorable light for any of the higher ups anyway. Why should they treat her comfortably? This was obviously a test of some sort…there was no way she would actually be able to transfer under the supervision of someone a little more 'sane'. Sure Kimblee did a good job of masking his insanity when he wasn't utilizing his alchemical skills, but that didn't make him any less intimidating.

"No…no sir. I do not want to be moved to another squad." She said, trying to speak with conviction.

Kimblee straightened up, his eyes never leaving her. "Is that so? You wish to stay under my supervision even though you're afraid to be around me?"

Eva hesitated for a split second before nodding. "Yes, sir. It's not like I have much of a choice anyway, do I? I was placed in this squad by even _your_ superiors. I might as well stay put. I'm just…new to all this. I'm sure I'll get better."

Kimblee chuckled and shook his head. "_Smart girl…_" he thought.

"Well then, Bellefort…" he said, bringing his hand down heavily upon her shoulder, "I hope you're right. You better get your act together; I want to see more from you, understood?"

Eva assented.

The way that he held her shoulder was not exactly aggressive, but forceful enough to convey to her that he was serious.

"Good." Kimblee said, giving her one, solid pat before removing his hand from her and turning to leave. "And you better mean what you said. If I catch you slacking off, you're going to be in _big trouble_."

Eva watched him walk outside, green eyes wide.

She let out the breath she had been holding in and wiped the sweat from her brow. As much as she didn't want to, she was really going to have to step up her game. Back in her hometown when she was younger and free from the burdens of a soldier, 'trouble' might as well have been her middle name. But now, it didn't sound so inviting.

Eva bit her lip and finally allowed her legs to carry her. She followed behind the Crimson Alchemist, keeping her rifle close to her chest, as if to protect herself.

"_This is going to be a long day…_" she thought worriedly, following her 'madman' of a leader off into battle.


	2. Chapter 2

Eva swallowed hard, trying to keep herself stone-faced. She was standing in the top most room of an abandoned staccato tower, surveying the town below. Or, what was left of it anyway.

A sudden movement caught her attention and her gaze darted to the source. It was an Ishvalan man, a radical, brandishing a rather large machete. Eva bit her lip, pitying the man. What good could that machete possibly do? It was nothing compared to the arsenal of the main Amestrian military forces. On top of rifles and such, they had human weapons, their State Alchemists. A machete would get this poor man nowhere…she could only imagine the trouble he'd be in if he were to run into Major Kimblee.

"_But…he won't get that chance_." She thought, raising her rifle and getting into position. Leaning the barrel of the gun up against the windowsill, she got down on one knee and squinted through the eye piece. Once she was sure she had a clear shot, she took a deep breath and pulled the trigger.

She watched the Ishvalan man tumble forward, landing face down on the dusty ground. Blood quickly pooled around the body from the head wound.

"_Right between the eyes_…" She thought, though more in sorrow than in triumph.

Even though she had slowly been getting better at being a real soldier, she still did not like the thought of taking another person's life. It didn't seem right, no, it _definitely wasn't_ right.

Throughout the course of her time in the Ishvalan War of Extermination, Eva had begun to hate her country. And not only that, she had begun to hate herself. She would never think of letting it slip to any of her fellow soldiers, but she couldn't even look at herself anymore. Any time she happened to catch her reflection on a given surface, she would quickly turn away, unable to look at what she had become.

She hadn't even wanted to be in the military in the first place. The only reason that she had gone away to the military academy to train was because of her father. He was a tough, unaffectionate man who had wanted a son, but had gotten Eva instead. Her mother had died when she was ten, leaving her in his solitary care. She figured part of his distant manner towards her was because she was so much like her mother; and she was sure part of him both missed and resented her due to her untimely death.

Her father had proudly served the Amestrian military for years until he lost his leg in conflicts to the south with Aerugo. Too stubborn to get an automail replacement, him being the kind of man who did not accept much help, he stayed at their home in the Amestrian countryside and began a mechanics business that specialized in automobiles. He had made it very clear that he did not see Eva 'fit' to help him out with anything other than errand running.

Having an irrational, childish need for approval, she sought out ways to make her father proud so that he might acknowledge her. Finally, she settled on the thing that he had loved so much, the military life. As soon as she was eighteen, she told him she was enlisting.

"You'll never make it, Eva." He had scolded her. But, his harsh words were only further incentive. They drove her to work hard, and strive to prove him wrong. Women were now accepted into the military, so she didn't see any reason why she couldn't try her hand at it.

She had been young then, and ignorant to the horrors that she would have to face as a soldier. The Ishvalan Civil War had not yet fully started, and her future as a sharp-shooter seemed promising and exciting. Only when she saw real war, did Eva regret her decision with all of her heart. Pleasing her father was not worth all of this. It was not worth becoming a pawn, or a mass murderer.

Eva shook her head and quickly rubbed at her eyes, trying to stop thinking about her father. She would only become more stressed out and risk having a panic attack. She had almost let her anxiety get the best of her a few times lately, and she did not what to succumb to it. She would be too vulnerable. Even though she had nothing personal against the Ishvalan people, she had to keep her guard up at all times. They had a real fighting spirit, something she generally lacked, and if she allowed herself to become an easy target, she did not doubt that she would be killed.

Eva ran her fingers through her short, dark hair and continued to watch for Ishvalan radicals out the window. She silently prayed that no more would come by her post so that she wouldn't have to shoot anymore. Kimblee often asked his soldiers how many Ishvalans they had managed to kill while out on their daily rounds. It was like some sort of sick game- whoever could dirty their hands with the most blood was crowned victor.

Eva always lied about her numbers. She usually never killed more than ten or so, but often doubled or tripled that number to avoid being reprimanded. It wasn't that she cared about winning, she never outdid the others anyway, she just didn't want to be scolded. However, she was sure at least Kimblee could tell she was lying, but he hadn't said anything to her about it yet so she figured she was safe.

She waited patiently for the alarm to sound, signaling that it was time for her to turn in for the day. It could never come soon enough for poor Eva.

A noise outside made Eva perk up. She looked down below to see an Ishvalan woman and child trying to sneak their way through the seemingly deserted area. Eva had strategically picked it as her post since it was normally so quiet, and she wouldn't have to do much.

The pair was obviously trying to be silent, but the mounds of rubble littering the ground made it nearly impossible. The woman was limping, and a thin trail of blood could be seen trickling behind her as she moved. The child, no more than ten or eleven, clung to her side, burying its face in her robes.

Eva's hands began to shake and she bit her lip so hard she nearly drew blood.

"_I…I'm expected to kill these people…_" she thought in horror. Most of the Ishvalans she had shot down were radicals and guerrilla soldiers. Never before had she actually shot and killed civilians, a mother and child no less.

She could faintly hear the child begin to cry and the mother try to calm them down. Eva took a step back from the window, clutching her rifle but not ready to use it.

"_I can't…I can't kill them._" She thought desperately, thinking, briefly, of her own mother that she missed so much. She had been about the same age as this child when she had lost her. Her mind raced and her knees began to knock together. "_I can't…_"

As long as she was not caught by another soldier, she could let them go. No one had to know, right? As long as she didn't mention it and she wasn't seen…

The sound of footsteps in the room behind her, however, quickly crushed her hopes. Eva froze, her breath catching in her throat.

"_Okay…anyone but Major Kimblee…_" she wished silently. Often times he would check up on her at least once every few days to make sure she wasn't ignoring her 'job'.

"You seem pretty shaken up, Bellefort. What are you looking at out there?" rasped a familiar voice.

Eva's heart sunk within her chest like a ball of lead. She stared, wide eyed forward and did not dare turn around to gaze at the speaker.

Major Kimblee waltzed up beside her and peered out the window, quickly catching sight of the Ishvalan mother and child. His cold eyes glinted momentarily with something like excitement.

"Ah, so this is what's got you all worked up, huh? An Ishvalan mother and child, trying to escape to freedom. How tragic." He said playfully, knowing how uncomfortable he was making Eva. "As heartbreaking as you may think it is...you weren't thinking of letting them live, were you? That would be awfully negligent, don't you think? You're lucky I'm the one who arrived! Anyone else, and you might have been court-martialed for not acting like you should."

What did it matter to him that these Ishvalans were civilians? Man, woman, child…it didn't matter. He had been ordered to kill any Ishvalan that he saw…every soldier had. This was a war of extermination; an effort to get rid of the Ishvalans once and for all. It was his job, and he was going to see it through to the end.

He glanced at Eva, turning his head down to look at the shorter female. She was trembling considerably and not daring to look at him. He could tell she was terrified…he could nearly feel the fear radiating off of her body. He knew she didn't want to kill these Ishvalans, and it would take some smooth words to entice her into doing it. Refusing her orders just wouldn't do, no matter how 'frightened' she was.

"Well then? Are you going to shoot or not?" he asked.

Eva wanted to answer him as little as she wanted to kill these innocents. If she said no, she would either be forced to anyway, or worse, Kimblee would do the job himself. Neither sounded like appealing options…why had Kimblee had to show up now?! His timing was impeccable…and it only made Eva dislike him more.

"I…" she forced out, nearly choking on her words.

Kimblee waited for an answer. The woman below was obviously injured and unable to move very quickly. He had time.

After a few moments of silence, Kimblee spoke again.

"It's your duty as a soldier, Bellefort. I told you to get your act together, didn't I? I want to see you pull that trigger, there's no reason you shouldn't be able to."

Kimblee spoke so nonchalantly. Though he was a psychopath as far as Eva was concerned, he often acted calm and collected. He could easily pretend to be normal and be taken for a regular person, a 'gentleman' even, from the way he often spoke. It was almost more unnerving this way than if he ran around ranting and raving like a stereotypical madman.

"I…I can't." Eva whispered. She was scared to admit it, but even more scared of allowing herself to be so cruel as to kill a mother and her child.

Kimblee took a deep breath. My, this one was stubborn…

"You can't? Or you won't? You're holding a rifle, aren't you? You've killed other Ishvalans today, haven't you? You're perfectly capable of doing this. All you need to do is allow yourself to do it." He was beginning to get annoyed, but he would hold out on showing it.

"Yes…but this is…different." Eva said, desperately wishing Kimblee was even remotely capable of understanding her. She knew he wasn't.

Kimblee frowned, deciding to try a different approach.

"Get on your knees." He commanded suddenly.

Eva flinched. What!? What did he mean by that?

She turned and looked up at him, eyes wide in confusion and fear.

"I said get on your knees. By the window. Get into a standard sniper's stance." He said, ensnaring her in a frigid glare.

Eva hesitated.

"NOW."

She took a deep breath and complied, too scared not to. Her heart was pounding, beating against her chest as if it wanted to break free and run away. Eva didn't blame it.

She readied her rifle, training it on the mother. Her hands shook so badly though that she couldn't get a straight shot.

Just then she felt a hand on her shoulder, Kimblee's hand. His forceful touch sent a wave of shivers down her body, just as it had the other day back in the hide out.

"Take a deep breath and get a clear shot." He commanded, leaning right by her ear.

Eva tried, but she was still too shaky.

"Good enough." Kimblee said. He was sure she would hit the Ishvalans anyway…even if it wasn't in the first shot. It wasn't like they could run.

"Now, keep your eyes trained on them. Don't look away for a second." He said. "Always look straight at the people you kill, and never forget them. I promise you, Bellefort, they will never forget you."

"_Sure…_" Eva thought. "_But I could never…I could never be as accepting of that fact as you._"

Eva readied her rifle. She tried as hard as she could to pull the trigger, she really did…but it was no use. She couldn't bring herself to do it.

"I can't…" she said again, voice quivering. "I just can't. I'm sorry…" Tears began to sting her eyes and she allowed her grip on the rifle to go slack as she slumped over.

Eva hadn't cried since she first got deployed to this region of the war. For a while, she had figured she didn't even have any tears left. But now, she couldn't help it. She was angry at herself for breaking down, but it was all she _could_ do. And it was the worst possible time for such a display of emotions. Crying around Major Kimblee was surely a worst case scenario in Eva's eyes. She doubted he could even comprehend 'sadness' or 'shame'.

Kimblee removed his hand from her and let out a heavy sigh. "This really is too bad." He said. "I really thought I was beginning to get through to you. Oh well. This war won't be ending any time soon. I still have time to work on you."

He straightened up and stood at the window, taking one last look at the Ishvalans who were still struggling away.

He clapped his hands together and took a deep breath before slamming them onto the windowsill.

Eva looked up once she heard the noise, her tears stalling. She had seen that stance too many times before…she knew what was happening. She knew she couldn't even say anything to try and stop it; so she hung her head again and let it fall against the butt of her rifle.

Using his alchemy, Kimblee sent a wave of red lightning down the side of the building, rearranging the elements of the materials around him into explosive components.

The building shook as the ground below was destroyed in a deafening 'boom', taking the Ishvalan mother and child with it. Their screams were drowned out by the noise of ground splitting and buildings crumbling.

Eva took a peek long enough to see Kimblee grin wide with pleasure as he gripped the sill so hard he nearly scraped open his hands. He let out a breath, shaky in ecstasy, and closed his eyes.

"Ahh…what a lovely sound!" he said with a chuckle.

Eva quickly looked away again, not wanting to see anymore. He truly was a heretic, a madman, a fiend!

"Get up." She heard him say, obviously through with his enjoyment over the explosion.

Slowly, she got to her feet, not daring to look him in the eye.

Just then, the alarm rang, signaling that it was time for them to turn in.

"I'm going to take you back to camp." Kimblee said, stopping Eva at the top of the tower's stairs. "There will be no mention of this little, 'episode', of yours to any of the other soldiers or the higher officers."

Eva was surprised. Why wouldn't he report her for her shameful lack of courage and conviction? She figured that by now he would just want her removed from his squad.

"But…why sir?" she asked, her tears finally dry.

An odd smile found its way to his lips. "I still have faith in you, believe it or not." He said. "I admire those who have a strong sense of determination when it comes to their job. I observed you in the academy once or twice before you were shipped out here, and I liked what I saw. You seemed very passionate about being a soldier, and I want to see that side of you again. Simple as that."

Eva eyed him suspiciously. "But…what if I don't exhibit that kind of passion again? You've seen how I handle this sort of thing…wouldn't that mean you're wasting your time? Why don't you just send me to another squad, or send me home for that matter?"

Kimblee let out a harsh chuckle. "I know that's what you may want now, but it won't be that easy. I won't let it be. And next time, I won't be so lenient. I won't keep hitting your targets for you." He turned and began walking down the spiral staircase, hands casually behind his back. "Besides, I hate quitters. You know that. "

Something about his tone was chilling to Eva. She knew he could kill her if he wanted and make it look like an accident. She doubted anyone would care anyway. She was just a pawn to her government. The loss of one measly, weak minded soldier like herself wouldn't mean anything.

Feeling sick to her stomach, Eva followed Kimblee out of the building and back to their camp. She spent a lot of time following him around, and would be forced to follow him into hell if he desired. She realized that it was his choice to keep her around and that if she did not obey him, he could change his mind in an instant.

She was not only afraid of the enemy in this war, but her own Major as well.


End file.
